I am currently running my Open Studio (22) as part of the Purbeck Art Weeks (PAW19) and am blogging daily with linked posts on Instagram – @Andy.Knill and Facebook page – AndyKnillArt.
If you wish to see the posts there are all linked on the Facebook page or http://www.andyknilllart.com.
My art started for my mental health and mindfulness – it still is and I am keen to spread the message that “Art is fun” at all events that I attend.
Yesterday, I was in a very low place, I blogged, I talked about it with Anne, I recovered enough to start doing some items on my to do list. It helped …
Posted blog this morning, did some jobs on my list, didn’t all go well and end up frustrated and annoyed at self, day became lost to darkening mood and find myself looking out at what I know is a beautiful view.
A low “fug” descends but I know that tomorrow I may well feel much better. Afternoon sleep needed but mood stays low. This rollercoaster hasn’t dipped like this for a while. Able to reassure myself that I am not suicidal and don’t want to end everything although financially I can leave the family in a better position now.
This is not a post for likes or responses it is a self flush out.
Mental health and the moods linked to it are part of me. Roll with it. Today if I did everything in my head I might give up my art or at least sharing it with others, give up my part time job, retreat from the world and not inflict myself on others. Friday I shall be at a local venue offering some adults why I think art is about fun and doesn’t have to be a serious endeavour. I will be there and we will have fun but right now I just have to stop trying and sit.
Last week I did a Comeback week that included exercises never set before – I was surprised to be set clapping push ups when I struggle with push ups. Whatever, I completed the week and now should be doing week Seven, I find at present I am lacking in energy and then fear I can not complete sets well enough.
Also for June we have decided that Anne and I both want to lose some weight so a diet will kick in that means cutting out the cakes and tubes with the lid that pops. So over the summer I hope that diet and exercise can combine to give me more energy and a slimmer middle especially. I am posting about this then I hope it can be a positive reminder.
Last Autumn I reduced my antidepressant dosage and had considered reducing it again this summer, at present that plan may go on hold as having some lower reactions to events, but an aspect to be reviewed up until the end of October as a possibility. I acknowledge that antidepressants are part of my life and have been for over 17 years, but reducing my dosage would be a sense of moving on.
Around the Freeletics commitment I am now back to working at my boat job with Wareham Boat Hire, shifts will become increasingly physical as the season moves towards the school holidays. I have also cycled one way, one and three quarter ways to work and back with Anne collecting me and the fat tyre or cyclo cross bike. The intention this season is to cycle more often and my Hartland / Middlebere route is 9 miles each way.
Continue to follow for progress, I look forward to being able to do sets of burpees without crawling through them etc..