Shadows laid to rest

About seven and a half months ago a combination of circumstances including a decline in my mental health saw me leave my last full time role and the teaching profession frontline for the final time. My last visit to the school buildings was a surreptitious trip to collect my belongings at about 7 in the morning before staff were about to avoid meeting others except those supervising my visit.

Since then I have spoke with many of my ex pupils, some of their parents and some ex colleagues. The school premises however were an area I had no reason to return to, but had a shadow for me,

Today I ran a stand at the school’s Summer Festival. I was on the school grounds again but in plain sight. I found out about the event from friends involved in the school. I contacted my ex headteacher to see if he and staff would be ok with me being there, his reply was positive.

I did not take much financially, but got to raise awareness of my art work. The key for me was that the shadow of creeping back into school is now laid to rest. I found it very touching that after 35 weeks of the school year my 10 week stint was still significant for a number of pupils who have had several staff since. 

There will always be others who will not want to communicate, I respect this but today was another significant step for me. I continue to have nightmares where teaching situations go “wrong” and it is going to take a long time to finally let go of my teacher role after 28 years plus,  I hope it does come sooner rather than later.

Dear reader, have you had circumstances where you have laid a “shadow” to rest?

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6 responses to “Shadows laid to rest

  1. Hannah Pestaille

    Last night I went to the Year 11 Prom (away from school premises) and finally said my good byes to my wonderful GCSE students whom I had to abandon to a mishmash of other teachers: one of which couldn’t even be bothered to learn any of their names in 1/2 a term of teaching.
    Still angry but no longer feeling guilty – positive outcome

  2. My husband went through exactly the same thing. He had to walk away for the sake of his mental health. So sad after forty years teaching, to be bullied out of teaching because he was too expensive…..

  3. Teresa Newman

    Well done going back into the school. I still find it difficult going to watch Theo s assemblies and it’s a different school.

    It makes me feel emotional when the children are filing into the hall with their teachers and class room assistants.

    I went into the school I worked a couple of years ago for a retirement do and spoke to ex colleagues, but not the head.

    I think I’m over things and they sneak up on me when I’m not expecting it.

    Having said all of this I’m happy with the job I do now and hopefully I’ll be seconded to do my mental nurse training this yr. Just waiting for the numbers to be finalised and then er can apply.

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