Crrackkkkk…

No, it is not a real word. But how to describe what has beset me twice already this month. I am not coping. My self esteem varies from flat to bottom lining. I do not feel suicidal, but to be honest I do not know what I feel. I know I love to teach, but does the current climate let me do that or is it more about data, tracking… I have not had the time to consider this properly yet.

I spent Saturday at PedagooHampshire sharing, learn g, looking forward to developing. A positive start to Monday, a long day but on top of things. Today soon became self doubt, regret, tears, emotions luckily sat in a room on my own – I used my staff email to garner assistance and was out of the grounds as break began.

This is my lowest in a long, long time. I have my releases like my sketches now, but something isn’t right. So tomorrow emergency GP appt, let’s review my meds, look at next steps and some quiet time small steps. I have always come out of these times before I assume I will again but at the moment I am lost.

Thank you to my online support network you really do help. I have blogged on my own blog not staffrm as this is for people that have followed me through those cycle before and it does mean less people will probably see it – it’s a release tbh. 

 

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6 responses to “Crrackkkkk…

  1. I don’t know you well enough to say that “you will get through this”, “you are strong enough” or any other platitude – BUT, I would say that you have done it before, so logic says that you can do it again. And this time round, you are better prepared and have more self-awareness. Hugs x

  2. hugs, cos…you know x

  3. Andy.
    My heart goes out to you. I am feeling something similar but not to your degree. Posted that I felt like I was drowning the other day on Fb. So can relate. We Re being hounded for data, sheets of interventions and n it goes, taking away from what we do best… Teach.
    Hang in there. Know we are with you and there if you need us. You know where I am . X

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