Monthly Archives: February 2015

Latest #staffrm contribution

http://staffrm.io/@andyknill/lqPQy7Y370  #maythesanitybewithyou.

This is a post as a release mechanism after a very hard week. Since I wrote it I haven’t stopped crying. So how am I going to deal with that?

I am going to adopt a #BD strategy that works when such moments hit – darkened room, twitter in case I feel like conversing, curled up in a ball and tissues – today’s work demands – cancelled so that later I can be around people again. 

Why the heck would I blog something so personal, because #BD depression affects many of us and some of us want to shout out. I do not want sympathy, just awareness that today isn’t working for me – fact.

Andy

The gift that keeps on giving …

Dear Eldest son

You are so considerate to your parents. In the last few years we have learnt so much through your decisions. I can now boast knowledge of the Mental Health Act and different categories of sectioning at both adolescent and adult classifications. I can describe what the inside of non secure and secure psychiatric units are like and the patients within. I have met many mental health workers, doctors,consultants, support workers.

I have travelled to Surrey and many parts of Essex to visit you in hospitals and placements. I have met you and heard about how it isn’t your fault and they are out to get you. I have received demands for money because you have none left. I have seen you grow dependent on a number of substances that do not enhance your life chances. I know the location of police custody suites.

I have searched and found you while making yourself homeless out of choice, I have learnt many things. In fact this statement is unfair. Your mum and I have learnt these things together. Sometimes she has learnt of them before me through phone calls while I have been at work and held onto the information so that I don’t “crack” if I hear the news during the working day.

Today a new gift, we are allowed to be on your visitor list to see you in prison. We can send money so you can have tobacco, extra food… We can learn about a new form of accommodation, another part of town to visit.

We have had a conversation – we have two essential choices…
a) cut our losses and cut all ties with you
b) hang on in there, at a distance, but wait hoping that one day that the son we love despite all of the above reappears on the other side.

We choose (b), but just to let you know,it hurts (a lot). It doesn’t help with our mental health, our spirit, it backs us into a corner, but you know what your mum and I have outlets and like this post we will let off steam because we have to. We are not unique, there must be other parents who have gone through this too, they have our sympathy too.

So,as you lie, sit, stand in your latest accommodation take some consideration for your own future. Our advice falls on unhearing ears,we can only hope that sooner rather than later you will emerge again.

Regards

Dad

#adayinthelifeMH

Apparently this is an ongoing project which I heard about today from Iesha Small of Mindshackles. A pertinent day as today I spoke with a member of staff about my eldest and his ongoing issues and past history. This coupled with reluctant yr 11 GCSE students, tiredness and a sense of frustration of other departments attracting candidates for posts, while my department has an ongoing vacancy never satisfactorily filled for more than half a term since I started in September.

I take my meds, they work generally and today I, and my supportive wife Anne, reminded myself that it has been another hard half term. Three days to work through and give the best that I can. I am weary and I look forward to stepping back a bit from the treadmill for a week. There will still be things to do but rest will feature and family time, books to red and maybe even some exercise if I can spur myself on – we will see.

DMs on Twitter from fellow MH friends – the support network is great and I hope to be able to support others if I spot symptoms.

Thank you for this opportunity to reflect.

10.2.2015