Well, “it” caught up with me yesterday and I had a big dip in the workplace at my new post. I am past it but let’s look back and think about why it happened, how I contributed and what I need to do next.
If you don’t know what “it” is then read some of my older posts about me and you will discover your answer, or read and work out the answer.
I am just at the end of the first week back after half term in a new post. The break saw me lose two days to a combination of exhaustion and “it”. I ended the break back to my positive self and a new start offered itself. Three days in nature intervened and it seemed like I was back at the base point I had been at pre half term re. Staffing.
Two days on, I got in, I found out the gap was still there I wobbled, I was open, in response to a series of email requests I didn’t say no but I did point out the limitations that would affect me doing the tasks. Then the expected reaction from classes due to the gap and linked to an outside conversation the previous evening the fissure opened. I found myself unable to close the fissure, gave a task, and left for the safety of the staff toilet and adjoining room. On entry I dried my face to little avail, cue a friendly soul who asked the trigger question.. “Are you al…?” The fissure chasmed and the tears flowed, the wreaking tremors…”it” had arrived.
The soul went off into auto pilot and resolved the situation and summoned my LM. They were fab, grabbed paper to stem the flow, checked and found the soul had evacuated the room and we sat and I was encouraged to talk about the outside influence. As usual a brief answer wasn’t possible and the potted history erupted out of the fissure. Go, rest, leave, directions came. Disappointed but knowing this was the safest response I did as bid. So an early journey to base camp and time out…
Cryptic, rambling, … Probably several interpretations or not read this far – this was my first hour at school yesterday. By 8.50, back in the car on my way home. This was now 25 mins. later, I was safe to drive – a precaution I am too used to evaluating.
Home: sleep? Exhaustion? Waterfalls from the eyes? No I sat had a mug of tea and proceeded to have a TV catch up. Not work related, fanciful fiction and it helped. I was transported away from the concern which I had already rationalised I had just met the “straw that bro…” I was not at fault and I will be back Monday. Lunch, time out resting, an afternoon nap and then a rare thing an evening home alone while others ventured out.
My salvation – some will say sad, I say thank you – twitter – in a range of accounts from @knillsocks who had dressed for a fun Friday; @globalsolo to welcome new network members, share some uses I had done this week, encourage more network sharing and assist a new member find infant based sources; @aknill chat with friends; @TMHavering promote teachmeet I am hosting in 12 (now 11 days time); finally @gasigict the group based account I co-ordinate on behalf of the group who have one our three annual meetings today.
Variety is the spice of… Well my tweeting. I found an event about Missing Maps that links with unit I am currently developing. I made a #videoscribe review of the twitter account since it started in May. I purchased and downloaded free apps too for image and text production of teaching resources …. Outpouring again aren’t I? Yes I know it’s a feature of me.
End result – I relaxed, I was calm, I was enthusiastic BUT vitally I did things that I enjoy as much for me as any work related link. I took Time Out.
Pause, review, proof read …
Review – how did I come to “it”?
New post, no secure second main subject in post yet. This has left me doing everything as I establish and support two non specialists, one new to school too. Second main subject holder has been insecure and already onto second one. This time nature intervened.
I am “throwing” too many hours (and hours) at the situation. It is unsustainable, a concept I teach about yet don’t personalise. I have outside triggers that have been calmer of late or at sufficient distance to place in a neat “box” in my mind. This time the box couldn’t contain the situation, I had dealt with it calmly and rationally at the time but it was seeping into me as I started work yesterday. For those who are aware of my @mindshackles volunteer involvement – the “J” factor.
My new employers have been very clear that I have made a positive impact already and have told me this on a number of occasions already. This has lodged and is a counter to “it”.
Yesterday the balance could not cope, it was a minor setback on a one day scale. It means that this review was needed.
Employers have already found one way to address our number one priority. I have requested a meeting to review and plan forwards so that I know all expectations and hopes are out in the open. I took the whole “time out” off work in an applied way – this was unusual. There was no flood barrier of flow or slump and sleep response. I do not need to return to my GP to change my meds. I am able to manage this situation and that is another positive.
M to F – I reduce the “take away” factor
– I start exercising again, from a low level realistically but I get outside
and start my own adrenaline levels again
– I do what I can and I maintain that perfection is not needed for most
If any tasks
– I do what I can each day
S and S
– I reduce the “take away” factor
– I enjoy family based activities more than I have been
– I stay offline more
– I take in more fresh air in whatever form is possible : water based,
Walk, cycle …
I become a person again, oh but I will blog from time to time as well.
Your turn… Re logs, RTs, feedback, comments especially from those that have met me cyber or f2f what say you? Judge if you need to but give me some constructive commentary.