Well, three weeks not in school,two with a doctor’s note. Am I better? Not yet, we tried an increase in my Serotonin based meds, but mood dipped further. So this time a second doctor’s note to take me into next term and meds combination 5 of 2013. Original serotonin based dosage and a noriadrenaline based tablet. Taken for the first time today and no side effects to start with.
My depression is clearly here and I have cried myself to sleep, hugged pillows and felt my mood go up near the roof and then crash right down to earth sometimes over a few days sometimes within seconds. My first week on a doctor’s note showed signs of improvement and a good weekend! Where I managed exercise and some socialising. Then, Monday morning and crash, a week that stayed low. I feel guilty, but at present this roller coaster I am living means I can not be in front of classes.
I signed up with my Local primary trust for two courses:
– Beating The Blues, an online CBT based programme which runs for 8 weeks
– a self esteem therapy group that will also run for 8 weeks.
I am also using my mood diary most days to record thoughts. So I can review any discernible patterns. I am also accessing a range of Mindfulness podcasts from the internet to practice distraction techniques when I find myself having automatic negative thoughts. I haven’t gone beyond simple breathing/ distraction tasks and some of resulted in me falling asleep but I am managing to divert thoughts that previously may have dwelled causing me more low patches.
I continue to have daily contact with colleagues on Twitter, we have named our group the #BDamigos and keep an eye out. For each other. Offering support to others can also be a nice distraction.
So have I moved on?
Yes, I am accessing additional GP support with my meds.
I have self refered and started two mental health support strategies.
I am continuing skills learnt about from my Stress and mood management course in Sept/ October.
I get out of the house most days for at least a walk supported and often prompted by my great wife who is being a great support.
I have been ale to have more thought about working future and would like to keep teaching in some form as I love the job. But still a area to explore later.
I made phone contact with our well being Coordinator in school and was able to talk,although physically shaking throughout the conversation.
I need to be purposeful in developing my mental strength and seeing how we go. I am still not happy that my absence will cause concerns and issues for colleagues and classes but accept that I can not be there right now.
So onwards and hopefully some posts soon about mood diary, exercise for mood and mindfuless resources.
If any of this is pertinent to you, you want to comment in any way please do. Again I will promote this post in a minimal way on social media.
Thank you if you read and get this far …